Why is it hard to ask for help?
Written by Sarah Cornforth
Inside this article I talk about the challenge of asking for help and what you can do to overcome it.
We take a look at:
- Why is it so hard to ask for help
- What do I mean by this
- Let’s look a little deeper
- How do you change learned behaviour
- Learning to reach out one step at a time
- How I ask the Moon for help….all the time
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit you don’t know something and to learn something new.
Why is it so hard to ask for help?
The reason for writing this blog is that I recently discovered that I find it incredibly difficult to ask for help. I want to address this with you to see if we can get over this together.
Let’s look a little deeper at what I mean.
When things are challenging, my energy is low, my mood is impacted by circumstances and situations or I’m just generally not on form……I retreat from the world a little.
Instead of coming into the world more and seeking help, support, guidance and advice my natural reaction is to move backwards into my own space while I attempt to work through things alone.
Why do I do this?
When I journal about it I come up with a few things. A big one is all around vulnerability. When I’m not on my game I feel vulnerable and exposed and this is very challenging for me. In a previous life (my 20’s and 30’s) being vulnerable was connected to being a victim as that’s how it played out in my world.
How do you change a learned behaviour that was meant for protection?
Well, it’s certainly not easy and all that we can do is start from where we are right now.
Right now my environment, the people around me, my social life, my business and my family are all incredibly strong and positive things. Those challenging relationships which left me feeling like a victim are no longer active and I therefore no longer need the level of protection I did in the past.
Learning to reach out on step at a time
I’ve got a few ideas of how I plan to reach out more often and I hope they help and support you too.
Acknowledge that the present is not my past
I know that I am surrounded by supportive people who would be more than happy to help if I ask for it and I can choose not to let the past impact me any more.
Recognise my fear as a form of protection
When I notice myself retreating rather than connecting I will choose to recognise that this is a fear based reaction which is no longer necessary in my life and I will gently explore how to overcome it and reach out.
Stay involved in my community
I am blessed to have a wonderful community of like minded people who ‘get me’. As an introvert remaining connected is sometimes a challenge in itself but I will aim to make connecting with my community a habit on both the good and challenging days.
Don’t wait till it all falls apart to ask for help
This is a good one, as often we have allowed things to go to far before we ask for support. Instead it’s good to check in with those around us more often and remember to check in with the good stuff too.
Make solitude temporary
There is a place for solitude and quiet and it’s something I know I need to recharge my batteries. I retreat to reset and that’s great. But I need to be careful that I don’t retreat to forget as that doesn’t do me any good. I plan to give myself the gift of solitude when I need it as I find it very healing but I will make sure that I don’t overstay my welcome there.
I would love to know if you find it hard to ask for help and if any of my ideas will help you too. Let me know in the comments.
How I ask the Moon for help…..all the time
Working with the themes, energy and guidance of the Moon has been fundamental in my growth and development. I’ve used the Moon to process traumatic events from my past, give me courage to continue on my path and to map out my future.
The Moon helps me to explore my internal world by asking questions during the cycles relating to the energy that is supported at the time.
What does that even mean?
The Moon goes through eight phases and twelve signs of the zodiac in less time than it takes us to navigate a calendar month. As our closest planetary body it’s influence is pretty significant, and due to the speed at which it orbits the Earth we are shifted into different energies and themes every few days. No wonder we struggle to find balance and consistency!
Each phase and each sign gives us the tools to explore an area of our lives. For example, at the time of writing this article we have just experienced a new Moon in the sign of Cancer and the predominant theme was all about feeling to heal.
You can read more about this in my blog – The New Moon in Cancer
Exploring these themes in this way helps me to focus on one key area without being distracted by the other things going on in my life. During the Cancer new Moon, I journaled around the theme of healing, explored the areas of my life where I need to make space for further healing and I acknowledged the healing work I have already done to give me the confidence I need to keep going.
In my journal I talk to the Moon, I ask her for guidance and I explore the theme she is bringing forward each cycle. And by doing it in this way I am working through the different areas of my life during the course of the year and allowing myself to gradually make significant and impressive progress.
Working with the Moon has not only improved my mental health, my confidence and my happiness but it has also allowed me to grow in my relationships, community, creativity and spirituality. I know this sounds as though I am giving a lot of credit to the Moon for this, but she provides a structure that I can work with to become the best version of myself each and every day. I never seek perfection, instead I am working towards evolution and exploration.
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